Our toughest trainer? 1-23-12

Most of you have met our trainer Laura by now. If our staff has an "aerobics queen," Laura would the closest match. Laura likes to enter contests. But she does not enter baking contests or anything having to do with swimsuits or talent competitions. No, that would be too safe. Laura likes to enter grueling, mud soaked marathon obstacle course types of contests. I'm sure that any tendonitis in her knees becomes a distant memory when she passes some dude on the course as he gasps for air. I sort of get it. I like to do something different every once in a while as well. Just the other day I was checking around for an open casting call for local ballet recitals until I couldn't find my toe shoes and leotard. Laura felt compelled to enter the Warrior Dash. I accept this, even if she has to come to work using a walker.

Going on Vacation 1-19-12

Full time employment, for a personal trainer, is 30 hours per week. Susan and I work about 30 hours a week from January to July, and a little less otherwise.  Our original business plan called for us to work 20 to 25 hours a week after we moved down. We intended to use our spare time for boating and to write and edit my third novel. Our Sarasota clientele, however, is even more health and fitness oriented than we anticipated and we found ourselves eager to get to work every morning. We seldom leave the area because Sarasota has all of the restaurants, beaches and shopping that one could desire. But that does not satisfy everyone...no it does not.
Jim and Sue D. work out here on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Sue's main line of business was nursing. As to Jim's main business, I would rather not elaborate beyond the word "trusses." They have been wintering on Siesta Key for many years. I can't blame them. Michigan is harsh or depressing for 7 months of the year. They have become experts on where to dine and what to do in and around Sarasota. Jim and Sue fully realize they selected the ideal getaway area years ago. Both of their Chihuahua's agree. So what does one do when they live in the perfect vacation spot? Well, they go ON VACATION, of course. Neither Jim nor Sue will be working out at their usual times next week? How come? Well, they are going on a CRUISE! St. Martin and several other miniscule islands are on the agenda for the 150 passenger sailing ship they will board. St. Martin....I seem to recall a client telling me about her experience on Orient Beach on St. Martin. I remember her mentioning it is a nude beach. Oh gosh. I am sure that neither Jim nor Sue have any idea about the existence of this hedonistic piece of sand. I should probably warn them...or make sure they pack a good camera so that I can verify my other clients story.

Siesta Key Tragedy 1-15-12

As many of you already know, a lady was killed on Siesta Key by a drunk driver. Her injured dog was found and rescued from the bay by a kayaker. The 22 year old drunk driver was fleeing the scene of a collision with a pickup truck at speeds approaching 80-90 miles per hour. His car first struck a light pole and then the lady. What you will not read in the paper is that the lady was struck so hard that body parts were recovered some distance from the body. I will not go into further detail about that, nor do I intend to rehash the driver's encounter with police officers at the pavilion prior to the crash. The papers have covered it fairly and in sufficient detail. I would like to suggest, however, that the word "accident" should not be used to describe what this piece of human sewage did to this mother and wife. Calling it an "inevitable" might be a little closer, but too harsh. I read that the jerk broke at least 9 different laws. The only solution offered by the surrounding residents? Lower the speed limit from 40 to 30 mile per hour. Sure, that should make it all better.

Catfish Circling the Drain 1-9-12

I apologize for the continued bad new. The large silver and gray catfish in the front tank is not long for this world either. He went on a hunger strike about 3 weeks ago. The disruption that occurred when the old tank broke stressed him out even more. He was always very jumpy and prone to bashing his nose on the sides of the old tank during furious darts to and fro. I checked his brakes a year ago. He turns out he doesn't have any. The boo boo on his nose refuses to heal this time. His fins continue to deteriorate. I have medicated the water to no avail thus far. I shall ask him discreetly if he has a last will and testament.

RIP Lazerus 12-6-12

I am not going to sugarcoat this. The largest of the two albino Oscars, Lazerus, has died. As you know, the main fish tank cracked and he and Eminem were relegated to the same 5 gallon bucket until sufficient water could be conditioned for the new tank. Alas, there was not enough oxygen in the bucket to support both fish. A few close friends swam in for the funeral, but we did not have time for eloborate preparations due to the short notice. On a more upbeat note, a bit of gossip. Many of the morning clients know Wes and his wife Johnnie. But Johnnie was not always married to Wes. At one point, Johnnie was married to a professional baseball pitcher! That's right---the man pitched for several seasons with the Washington Senators! What other little tidbits about her past has Johnnie left out? I shall find out and report back here forthwith.  

Computer fixed after a messy affair 1-1-12

Happy New Year from the staff at Classic. That last year went by fast, didn't it? I have not posted for some time for a very good reason. Eight days ago ( on Christmas Eve) I walked into the gym to find the last four gallons of the large (72 gallon) fish tank leaking onto the floor. The albino Oscars, Lazerus and Eminem, were flopping around on the bottom. Panga, the large catfish, was doing likewise. They were pretty mad and VERY concerned. I rushed to a clean bucket and began drawing conditioned water out of the front tank. I scooped the Oscars into the bucket and wrestled Panga into the back ten gallon fish tank that is normally reserved for goldfish.
The top brace on the tank had split! As a result the sides bowed out, and the flat glass at the back of the tank split vertically! My best guess is that the leaking began not more than five minutes before I walked in. Five more minutes, and the fish would have been goners. Nevertheless, neither Oscar showed any appreciation whatsoever. Both moped on their sides at the bottom of their bucket, looking up at me with a forlorn eye. Lazerus kept moving his lips, and I was able to tell what he was saying. "This is the worst Christmas ever," he claimed. It was not until later that I noticed the screen on my computer was dimmer...as though the deluge from the fish tank had soaked the power supply on the floor, which is exactly what happened. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I would have to switch to my backup computer. We had to act fast. There are several large tanks for sale at any one time on Craigslist, but the holiday might present a problem when it came to contacting the sellers.  To be cont...