Gambling Problem? 12-19-11

Jim M. likes to bet against the Detroit Lions. The problem is, they won again yesterday. I am originally from Detroit and am happy to take Jim's money. Jim is out still another 5 dollars and now Patti's entire Christmas is in jeopardy. This may put me in the awkward position of having to purchase a Christmas present for Patti if I wind up with all of Jim's money. At least he always pays his debts.

Mark accepting yet another
payoff from Jim M.

Interesting Pasts 12-14-11

We are continually surprised by what some of our clients do or did for a living. I worked out yesterday with Carl. He is a retired entertainment attorney. He was involved with some obscure company called Sony Entertainment Corp! He had literally dozens of celebrity clients. He mentioned one that I had never heard of--some singer named Dolly Parton. Probably one of those one hit wonders that you read about. Another current client is older now and selling real estate here in Sarasota. I cannot reveal her real name, but let us just say that it might rhyme with Candy. She is still quite the little blond vixen and I am just now beginning to unearth some of her past exploits. There are nevertheless a lot of unanswered questions that remain....How did she get into the Miami Dolphins locker room in 1975 and who dared her to take a shower while the team practiced on the field? Did she intend to get "surprised" when they came back in? If not, why did she take so long to "rinse off?" And what linebacker discovered that he could not resist "Candy?" Stay tuned.

Cleaning Help 12-8-11

The trash bags fill up fast here at Classic Personal Trainer. Empty water bottles accumulate quickly---wadded up paper towels, empty soda cans, wrappers from protein bars, and cartons from shakes are contributors as well. All manner of crumpled paper products fill any gaps left over. And yes...there is even a large amount of white dog fur in there. Our back office generates mountains of paper and plastic refuse. Joe and I empty most of these cans on a regular basis. Joe shampoos the floor at least once per week, and the whole place gets painstakingly disinfected from top to bottom twice per week. Supplies need to be stocked every day in the cooler and freezer, mirrors need to be squeegeed, and dozens of other maintenance tasks need to be performed monthly.
I have written about Laura, one of our trainers, before. Many of you know her parents, Dave and Cindy, who are back working out in the mornings after a summer and fall hiatus. Cindy seems more determined than ever to get stronger than me in order to shove me around when I get lippy. 
Laura is fantastic when it comes to keeping client cards organized and making sure the front desk isn't covered with empty cans and bottles. When Laura isn't crippled from a recent "challenge" or charity marathon, she works out like a madwoman in between her clients. Her workouts at home consist of following intense aerobics on her flatscreen. But last week, I learned to my utter amazement that her workouts do NOT involve housework! Why? Because our trainer has a Maid Service!! You read that right...Laura was in a rush to leave at the end of one of her shifts last week because she had to interview a MAID!  I realize that many of our clients have household help, and admit to having someone come in once a week when we lived in a larger residence in Michigan. But now I am beginning to wonder exactly how big Laura's condo is! Are there only two floors, or is there an observation deck? Does she have a 20 seat movie theater...a bowling alley...an indoor and outdoor pool with retractable roofs? Is Josh going to be moving into an estate of palatial proportions? I hope to provide answers to these questions and more in an ensuing post.

Mark and two friends 12-6-11

Went to Anna Marie Oyster Bar weekend before last. It is off 41 just north of the airport. I make no secret of the fact that I eat twice as much as the average person. Thus it was with some trepidation that I passed up the combo platters on the menu because of the allure of the Lobster Specials displayed everywhere and touted by the waitress. A steamed lobster with two sides was only $14.99, and the stuffed lobster was only $17.99. I ordered the stuffed lobster, calculating that I could eat a second dinner later that evening at home. As I began to work on my Caesar salad, a lobster appeared on my table. The busy waitress darted off. It looked like a steamed lobster. As I flipped it over to check for stuffing, I flipped the melted butter over as well. There was no stuffing. It took a few minutes to flag down the waitress. I was very polite as I explained the dilemma, an she was very apologetic as she whisked the wrong lobster away. Two minutes later, the manager appeared at my table--with the steamed lobster and a new tub of melted butter. He re-apologized, explained that a stuffed lobster would take 15 minutes to prepare, and suggested that I enjoy the steamed fella on the house while I waited for the one I ordered. I thought it over for a nanosecond and agreed. This kind of stuff NEVER happens to me! I usually have to waylay a buffet to even approach a full stomach. The stuffed lobster was as good as the steamed, and I tipped the wonderful waitress lavishly.


 I decided to be a good sport
for the picture and wear the
stupid bib.



Missing Detroit 11-30-11

Woke up this morning and checked the weather in good old Detroit, from whence we originally came. It was 30 degrees and snowing. The temp is expected to SOAR to 38 degrees, however. As I walked to work in my cutoff jeans and flip flops, I mulled over some of the reasons I miss Detroit. I only live 5 houses from the studio, so I did not have much time to mull. This was fortunate, because I could not think of anything I missed. Upon firing up the computer, I pulled up the latest online edition of the Detroit Free Press. It seems as though I have missed yet another grand-reopening of a Detroit landmark called the Sky Bar. I have never been there, of course, and I do not remember it closing (bars and restaurants open and close in Michigan faster than heart valves) but the pics made the re-opening look like fun...sort of. The management must have paid for some hot model-types to circulate among the crowd. I'm sorry I missed this event. Perhaps I shall catch the next one.

How sick was Laura, anyway? 11-27-11

Our trainer, Laura, was not feeling too well last Tuesday. This is the first time I have known her to be sick. Was she at death's door? No, not even close. But she did not hop on a treadmill the way she usually does upon her arrival. And she put her warm-up jacket on about 30 times as each chill racked her body...and took it off 30 times as hot flashes overwhelmed her. I suggested early menopause as being the cause of these hot flashes, but she assured me that if anyone was going through menopause it was me. Laura accepted 2 Advils the second time I offered, and soldiered on, changing settings on the machines and barking out orders to clients. I would have banned her from the studio had we judged her to be contagious, and I observed her carefully for signs of Ebola virus or Plague. She left an hour early, and was back to her normal self when we worked together Saturday morning.

Defender of the Infamous 11-20-11

What well known divorce attorney works out at our humble little studio? I cannot tell you that. But what I can tell you is that she (oops, just cut the guesses in half) has a partner who is a much sought-after criminal attorney. Guess who sought after this attorney not too long ago...desperately needing representation? I cannot tell you that either. But I can tell you that the criminal attorney's client's daughter is having her share of difficulties with the Los Angeles court system. I can also tell you that she is performing community service at the morgue. I might also mention that she is an actress, and she wasn't too bad during the small part of Georgia Rules that I watched while surfing on cable. It's hard for me to watch any movie with Hanoi Jane in it, thus I could not further evaluate the young actresses abiltiy. (Hanoi Jane is Jane Fonda...look it up, but not on a full stomach.) Or just click here. Still dying to know the first name of the divorce attorney that works out at Classic? Okay, one hint. Mote _______ Laboratory.

Dirty dog cont 11-15-11

Once cajoled and dragged into the bathroom, giving Sasha a bath gets a little easier--but not much. After she is physically in the bathroom, her tail droops in resignation. She knows what lies in store, and she is far from thrilled. The best technique we have found is to gently pick up her front legs and place them over the side of the tub. Then one of us keeps her front paws from slipping and the other scoops her up by the haunches and swings them over the side. Her fur is highly resistant to water, so soaking her down is no easy matter. Once semi-wet, Sue lathers her with various shampoos. Coconut anti-bacterial shampoo seems to get Sasha cleanest. There are often several attempts to lunge out of the tub, and restraining a wet and occasionally frantic sled dog is not an easy task. Cool water and keeping the flexible shower nozzle away from Sasha's face and ears makes the rinse cycle tolerable. Once out of the tub, there is a wild rush to the front door and the lawn...you do NOT want to be indoors and in the line of fire during the dogs first attempt to shake the water out of her fur. If you have a chance today, go through an automatic car wash with all of your windows down, and you can simulate the experience. Sasha HATES blow dryers, and towel drying her can take anywhere from a day to a week...you WILL miss an area no matter how thorough you are.

Dirty dog 11-13-11

Everywhere the gym mascot goes, people ask "Does she shed a lot?" We answer "As much as you can imagine, and then double it." This is not always the case, of course. Some months are better than others. After her spring "molt," when the pink skin on her tummy is peeking through, the vacuum at home only comes out every three days or so. We used to go through a lot of vacuums as well, burning out belts and motors with abandon. The vacuum that PW (that's the name he goes by...he works out in the late morning...he even went by it fighting in the Korean War) sold us is holding up fairly well however, and we are hoping to get an entire year out of it. Sasha does not like to be brushed, as you might imagine. She likes baths even less. She LOVES snow, of course, but has no use for it in it's melted form. Coaxing her into the bath tub, to put it mildly, is a struggle. I used to trick her onto a sofa with a treat and then just scoop her up. Breathing in mouthfuls of fur and not being able to see where one is going made it unpleasant. Her arthritis and weight make that method even more challenging of late. Yesterday we spent 10 minutes with a treat that she seemed determined to ignore. We tried to lure her into the main bathroom with it, but she sensed a trap. Our dog was willing to go anywhere in the house but the bathroom hallway. Herding and pushing her did not work. She is somewhat of a herding dog herself, and knew all the tricks. We ended up putting her collar back on and gently tugging on it for another 5 minutes. It was with great trepidation that we finally  arrived in the main bathroom.  To be cont....

Joe and his cars 11-11-11

Most of you have met our chief assistant by now. His name is Joe, and I tell everyone that he is the "glue that holds this business together." He has poise and tact and foresight well beyond his 18 years. In a pinch, he can take someone through their entire workout, mapping it out like a trainer would. Until recently, I used to think that those WWJD bumper stickers on some cars meant What Would Joe Do? Joe has a car. He calls it Bambi. The moniker fits because the paint is fawn and gold and primer colored and the big round headlights give it a doe-eyed look. The car is a 1989 Mercedes Benz. It is a classic if one looks beyond the occasional dent and the loud exhaust system. Speaking of systems, feel free to ask Joe how he goes about putting the windows down. The speedo stopped working years ago at 160,000. There is no heat or air conditioning right now, but the brake pedal has not gone to the floor all week and I think Joe said the wipers are working again. One of our clients decided Joe needed a new vehicle forthwith, and started checking the classifieds for Joe. He also offered to FINANCE this new/used vehicle at ZERO percent interest! Very, very classy. Then Norma (a sweetheart of an afternoon client) took up the cause. Through her church, she knows a guy with a repair garage. One of his regular customers drove a 1995 Ford Taurus. She passed away. Her offspring saw the maintenence receipts in the glove box and turned the Taurus over to him to sell. Then they flew back to California. By now the astute reader is probably thinking..."Mark, Norma, why do you think Joe should get rid of his 21 year old car and buy a 16 year old one? Do you have dementia?" The answer is simple: Because this particular 16 year old Taurus has 25,749 miles on it!! Sue and I fronted the money and picked up the car with Joe yesterday.  Stay tuned.

No Party at Rob's house 11-9-11

There are some more rumors that need to be laid to rest. Patti started them and they have spread like molasses, but I would like to stifle them before they gain traction. In spite of Patti's suggestions, there will be no Kwanza party this holiday season at Rob's house. Rob shares my distaste for this manufactured holiday, and certainly does not want to promote it's existence in any manner. I do not pretend to know how he feels about the holiday called Cinco de Mayo, either, but in spite of Patti's constant hints, I don't think Rob  plans on taking steps to celebrate it this May. Rob is originally from the Toledo area, and it is my guess that this holiday is not widely observed in Ohio. Incidentally, I did receive a nice gift from Sue on National Secretary's Day, but it made me start to wonder how she views my role with this company. Speaking of acknowledgments, this is the 10th year running that Sasha did not get me a gift for Father's Day. One cannot help but feel slighted at this obvious oversight. Can you say "Euthanasia?" 

Where in the World is Patti? 11-8-11

Many of the morning clients may have noticed that one of our trainers, Patti, was not at the studio on Monday morning. The especially astute client may have observed that she took off before 11 am. on Friday, in spite of our official closing time of noon. Allow me to assure you that she is fine. She had a plane to catch. Patti will be back on Wednesday morning, rarin' to go. Where did she go, you may ask? Vegas. She jetted off with her boyfriend on Friday afternoon to hit Sin City. Who is her boyfriend? I cannot share that with you. Patti has been traveling an awful lot lately with censored. We cover for her as best we can. It's my fault, actually. He has been a client here for quite some time, and is one of the finest individuals I have ever met. I am a walking Match.com and saw the obvious attraction between the two a year and a half ago. I asked both of them out and we ended up at Waterfront restaurant. They had a lot in common, thus it didn't take much to keep the conversation going. I gave Patti some etiquette tips, of course, before setting the time and place....no "pretend gagging" if something tasted bad...no eating off of other diners plates...chew with her mouth closed, etc. I made it clear in advance that although I was buying dinner, it would be nice if she declared she was "not that hungry" and just ordered a cheeseburger. Barring that, if she insisted on ordering something extravagant such as Surf and Turf, I encouraged her to offer me as much of her portion as possible while I ordered something more economical. Patti's behavior was exemplary, however, (not once did she spit a mouthful of food on the floor and yell out "This is Crap!") Ever the gentleman, I resisted the urge to reach across the table and play with her hair. There was subsequently a second date, and then a third, and so on. The rest is history. She and her mystery man will be back from Vegas on Tuesday night. I would also like to stress at this time that Patti does not have a gambling problem, in spite of what you might have heard, so let us put that rumor to rest right here and now.  

Future Roommates? 11-6-11

Most of our morning clients have worked with Josh at one point or another. He's our young trainer with the growing biceps and the latest shades who pulls in on his motorcycle on sunny days (unless he fails to check the forecast, in which case he rides in on rainy days.) Josh is actually quite a bit cooler than everybody else around him, but is too PC to rub it in. And many of our clients have had the chance to work with Laura. Her perpetually tanned and sculpted legs announce to the world that she is in better shape than most silly humans, but like Josh, she declines to rub this obvious fact in their faces. For several months, Josh has had one of the slickest rent deals around---being the "caretaker" for a friends house while the sale was pending. He pays all of the utilities, of course, as well as any landscaping costs. Laura recently moved into a condo, but I won't say where. The simple fact is that I don't know where...never having been invited for a housewarming party or anything else that might involve free food. In fact, when asked about the location of her new condo, Laura vaguely waves a tanned hand in the general direction of Downtown Sarasota and says something like "Oh, it's not too far." But Josh has a problem coming up. The house he is living in has been sold, and he has to move out by the end of November. On Friday, it came to my attention that Laura owned a TWO bedroom condo, and that one of the bedrooms was unoccupied. I immediately pointed this out to Josh, who politely showed interest. I then suggested to Laura that her empty bedroom could use a little furniture in it, and that Josh owned bedroom furniture. I also hinted that Josh would be happy to accompany the furniture!  Stay tuned. 

Spanish Point Marina and Pub 11-5-11

On Tuesday the three of us had lunch at Spanish Point Marina and Pub in Osprey. The thermometer was just starting to hit 80 degrees, and since it was 48 degrees, cloudy and rainy back in Detroit, one could not help but gloat a little. The loaded nachos were very good, with plenty of cheese, onions and jalapenos. My blue cheese salad was well assembled, but just a bit shy on the vinaigrette dressing, which the waitress happily remedied. Susan only had a cup of lobster bisque. Sasha had a bowl of water and some of the ice cubes from my first Diet Pepsi. She was a rock star as usual, with nearly every patron finding a reason at some point to wander over, pet her, and ask questions. I was ignored, but I'm used to it when our magnetic dog accompanies us.  

While waiting for our order, Sasha
and I walked to the end of this dock.

Sasha's eyesight is fine 11-03-11

At precisely 11:05 am. this morning, Sasha was stationed at the front door of the gym. A new PT Cruiser pulled up. Sasha's tail began to twitch at first, then wag. Her eyes were riveted on the drivers side of the car. Our fearless guard dog then rose up to a sitting position, her tail sweeping back and forth across the front mat with gusto. She had spotted Johnnie R and her husband Wes, but she only had eyes for Johnnie. Their eyes met as Johnnie got out of the car, and Sasha roused herself to a full standing position, indicating...no...demanding that she be let out into the parking lot to greet Johnnie in person. It had nothing to do with the diet doggie treats that Johnnie always carries in her purse--I could tell this was true joy. More importantly, if Sasha was able to recognize my client through one pane of smudged glass and the glare on the windshield of her car, I knew that I could cancel our dogs eye appointment at Sarasota Memorial Hospital. We had been preparing for bad news, and even looked into getting a seeing eye dog if necessary. Now we won't have to. I let Sasha out into the lot, and she herded Johnnie inside. She ignored Wes.  

Beth and her prison buddy 11-2-11

Most of the morning clients know Beth. She is an interior designer who is in great demand right now. She juggles several clients at a time while fussing about every detail of every project with an obsession that borders on the neurotic. In other words, she is exactly the type of designer I would want working on my home project. She is hyper and frantic and classy and a perfectionist. She used to work in a similar capacity for Robb and Stuckey until demand dictated that she branch out on her own. One of her clients is located in Boca Grande. And one of his employees happens to own a knife. His name is Rick, and he and Beth have collaborated on his employers house together. Until Sunday evening, Rick had a girlfriend. She has an ex husband. The ex husband did not want to store his illegal drugs at his own home. So Ricks girlfriend let him store his illegal drugs at Ricks house! On Sunday evening, the ex husband came over to pick up his drugs, and Rick found out. There was a loud altercation. Rick got his knife out, and stabbed the ex. Ouch. The police arrested Rick, and he is now in jail. His bail is set at only $500,000. When Beth found out on Monday, the caring side of her set about finding Rick a good attorney. The first order of business is to get the bail reduced to a more affordable rate.  To be cont...

Another dead fish 11-1-11

Okay now, this is not funny! The baby black angel just croaked. Either that, or he is a master of disguise, or has found the best hiding place ever. Obviously, I shall have to begin the search for his little corpse before Thursday. Incidentally, we would like to welcome a new client, Jim S. Jim is a retired Long Beach California police officer. He still does consulting and training work for the department quite frequently. His wife, Sarah, has worked out here for nearly one year.

Another one bites the dust. 10-30-11

One does not know at first if a new fish is going to do well upon its introduction to the tank. Baby angel fish can be especially fragile at first. But both of the new baby angels seemed vigorous enough when we first put them in. We floated the plastic bag for over half an hour in order for the water temperatures to equalize. They both swam out of the bag with gusto. Sometimes, a new angel will find some thick plant cover to swim off and hide in. Neither the black one nor the gold one did so. It is always a good sign when they accept food within the next 24 hours. Both of them did this as well, although the gold one seemed to be a little pickier as to which flakes he ate. By Friday evening, the black one was eating well...rushing to the surface every time flakes were added. The gold one, however, was waiting for the flakes to float down and inspecting them carefully. He would eat a small one, then taste and spit out two or three more. This is never a good sign. By Saturday evening, the gold one was hiding under a broad plant leaf--and showing little interest in the small flakes that happened by him. On Sunday morning, he was no where to be found...until I began to clean the tank. His little corpse floated out almost immediately...belly up. With great ceremony, I have placed him in a cup of water and stored him in the back freezer, to be de-thawed and returned to Pet Smart next Thursday. His black co-hort and his other tank mates continue to thrive. RIP.

Dead Fish 10-28-11

It appears as though the mortality rate in the front aquarium has diminished somewhat. As many of you are aware, we have been trying to establish a community tank for some time after Lazerus and Psycho graduated to the back tank to be with Max and Panga. The original plan was to introduce several female guppies, which would soon result in hundreds of colorful guppies after nature took it's course. Cardinal and Neon tetras were to provide color and motion in the interim. The guppies got off to a prolific start, but we purchased two diseased females at Sea Scapes on Gulf Gate, and soon many of the adults had a slimy white fungus that resisted all of the usual treatments. After the majority of the guppies had died off, we attempted to introduce some baby angels into the tank. Out of 20 attempts, only one black and white one survived. Many were under warranty at Pet Smart, but the little blond manager of the Fish Department was developing an attitude toward Sasha and I. Simple logic would dictate that if you don't want my Samoyed drinking out of the bottom fish tanks in your department, you should leave them covered, right? Last week, we discovered that the nitrate level in the front tank was too high. The huge sword plant in the middle of the tank was harboring a great deal of "fish ca-ca" under it's roots. Over a week, we cleaned the gravel and trimmed back the plant. Now that the cause of many deaths had been found, we were determined to return some of the corpes for new fish. Sasha and I felt the need to keep a low profile at Pet Smart for a while, so this past Thursday we sent Josh with the bodies and the receipts.  To be cont....

My Arthritic Dog 10-27-11

I began my search for a laser that Sasha could call her own and use to stave off her arthritis. The label on the casing of the one the Vet used said Companion Laser Therapy. It was easy to locate the company. Unfortunately, they quoted me $18,000. It seemed a little pricey, and I was not Sasha had the ability to grasp it's operation no matter how many YouTube tutorials we watched. I would have to be the technician. In addition, neither my dog nor I currently have a Veterinary License. It was time to think outside of the box. We searched the internet together. We studied frequencies and light spectrums and pulse rates. We stumbled across a man in a foreign country who was willing to sell us a home-made but very well constructed Laser with the specifications that we required. My dog would still not be able to operate it, but we were able to accept that. She had already admitted to being hesitant to wear the protective goggles that were furnished with the device, and the last thing I needed was a blind and arthritic dog. The man in the foreign country quoted us 3 to 4 weeks delivery if he was able to get the device through U. S. Customs without incident...to be cont...

Best Massage Therapist in Sarasota 10-26-11

How many times have we heard it at Classic Personal Trainer? "Mark, you should have a massage therapist on staff, or at least one that you recommend." This suggestion is made at least a dozen times a year. We do in fact have one that we recommend. His name is Rich, and he works out at Classic on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. He's getting in shape for his wedding next April. Incidentally, although we highly recommend him, he is much too busy to accept any new clients. Have any of our clients used him in the past? Of course they have. One of our clients named Michelle is a pharmacist. She had painful migraines. No, it wasn't from my jokes. Rich claimed he could get rid of them (the migraines, not my jokes.)It turned out he was right. Michelle now claims that Rich is the best thing since sliced bread. But his accounts at Sun and Tervis Tumblers keep him working 40 plus hours a week, and when his pregnant employee left to give birth, he had to pick up another 20 hours. Thus while we recommend him highly, he has no time to see you. I've caught the poor man sleeping in his car in our parking lot prior to his workout. When Rich has some free time again, I'll let you know.

Mark and Laura B 10-22-11

Mark and Laura B are back from visiting their son Andrew in Atlanta. He is attending graduate school there for an advanced engineering degree.  I have met the young man and he seems to be unusually intelligent but I am getting sick and tired of watching all of these young people on the fast track to success while my son continues to....er....stall. I am trying to negotiate a trade with Mark and Laura. I am willing to trade my son for theirs, no questions asked. I realize the paperwork will present some challenges and it may take me a while to explain it all to Andrew, but I am ready to begin the transition as soon as I get the go ahead. They are sitting on the fence about it so far, but I will try harder to persuade them next week and explain the benefits to them, as soon as I think of some.

Short circuited and a sketchy repair quote 11-20-11

Joanie has the most immaculate, perfectly maintained white Mercedes Diesel in Florida. So why is vegetable soup such an issue for her? Because the lid wasn't on tightly enough on a carryout and it spilled all over her seats and center console! The power windows immediately stopped working as the liquid seeped into the switches. Joanie tried a new repair garage, Jay and Dean's, at my behest. They quoted $643 parts and labor. They claimed the dealer would be over $1200. She told them to order the parts. They did. But they didn't know Joanie. She called the dealer and received a quote for only $687. She is a class-act and let Jay and Dean complete the repair anyway....after the mechanic finally got back from lunch one hour past the agreed upon appointment.

People Coming Back! 10-19-11

Rob is back! Marta appears to be done traveling around the country on her jet and is back in the mornings. Les is back in the afternoons but we are excusing him to go to California for a week in November. Lloyd has been back for over a month and soon his cottage in Maine will be buried in snow. Is he going to dig wells in the Dominican Republic again this year? I shall ask him.

Warning! Sticky sand. 10-18-11

The sand at Siesta Key Beach is brilliant white and powdery fine. It has another unusual quality in that it does not burn ones feet no matter how scorching the sun is that day. This remarkable sand is just one of the reasons that Siesta Key Beach was just voted the number one beach in America. Turtle Beach is more isolated than Siesta Key. The parking is a little less chaotic. The sand is a little sticky as well. See for yourself below.

I was going to offer to brush this clingy,
irksome sand off the bottom of this young
ladys feet.

Poor Little Wet Thing 9-4-11

There I was at Turtle Beach today with my camera...the one with the telephoto lens, just minding my own business. All of a sudden this woman practically leaps into my field of vision. As I focused, I began to feel sorry for her because her suit bottom was so clingy. It was about 85 degrees, but the wind was brisk off the ocean, and it was quite cloudy. The young woman had bravely been up to her knees in the water, taking pics of some surfer dudes. There were some decent waves crashing onto the shore. This poor thing had just been hit by a mean old wave minutes before I snapped this shot. I was about 150 feet away and only trained the lens on her to see if she was shaken up. Once I saw that she was okay, with no thought for my own safety, I snapped this and a couple more. I was going to offer her a towel, but she already had one. She was able to dry herself off enough to stop that ill-fitting suit bottom from clinging so badly, which made me feel much better.  

I only took this pic for humanitarian
reasons...to see if she was all right after
a rogue wave soaked her from the waist down.
The telephoto lens is deceptive-that little kid to her
right is another 50 feet away!

My Arthritic Dog 8-21-11

After our unsuccessful attempt at Laser Therapy, we went  with back to the studio with our tails tucked between our legs. I  explained to curious clients that yes, her limp was very bad but we had done our best. Two days later, a funny thing happened. My Sammy woke up in the morning and forgot to limp. She was walking slowly, but quite normally! A grossly abbreviated therapeutic laser treatment had accomplished what pills and potions and diet had not! By mid-afternoon, I had made an appointment with the Laser Therapist for the following week. The Therapist was admittedly a bit reluctant at first to allow my pet back in the building, but I promised her our behavior would be different this time! Personally I feel that if someone who works with dogs is not prepared for an occasional deep scratch or ten and some dark bruising that looks like she has been beaten with a billy club, she should seek out other employment. Prior to leaving the studio, my assistant had filled both ends of a hollow bone with organic peanut butter and concealed it in a plastic bag. Upon out arrival, we were whisked immediately into a back room. The Laser Tech (I swear, they are so meek and wary after just one unpleasant experience) peeked around the open door and limped into the room. I encouraged her to pass out our protective eye gear so that we could begin the treatment forthwith. My assistant produced the bone and my dog began licking it as I slid her into position. The Tech, tentatively at first and then with growing confidence, began the circular treatment  with the laser wand. Six minutes later, we were finished and thirty seconds after that we were paying the receptionist $40 in cash. 56 hours later, I let my dog loose in a nearby park and a squirrel taunted her. My "crippled" dog took chase for the first time in months! Admittedly, she was only able to lope and the squirrel would have to be confined to a wheelchair to be in any danger...but I was encouraged nonetheless!  To be cont... 

My Arthritic Dog 8-5-11

The vet poked and prodded my dog. She felt her spine. She stretched out my Samoyeds front legs and then bent them one way and another. I could tell my dog was getting a little anxious. When the vet picked up the dogs tail and stuck a thermometer in, my pet puckered her lips and her eyes bugged out. My old dog looked up at me with that "I AM READY TO GO NOW" look that she gets sometimes. Then she broke for the door. Arthritic or not, she can still pull very hard. I can move faster than her, so I slammed the door shut the remainder of the way long before she got her nose through. We declined all further testing, and waited for the Laser Therapy Tech to get set up in the next room. By the time we got started on her left front elbow, my dog had absolutely had enough! After exactly one minute of a six minute session, my dog started twisting, yowling, and scrambling for the door. As overweight as she was, however, I still weighed a heckuva lot more, and pinned her to the floor. She continued twisting and panting as the Tech tried to resume again, but finally the Tech suggested I let the dog up while she tried to soothe her and treat the elbow by herself. I complied. My 91 pound dog threw the 110 pound Laser Tech across the room with ease and squeezed herself behind a supply cabinet. The session was over. Back out in the lobby, I paid for the vet's exam and they comped me on the Laser Therapy attempt. My dog and I limped (actually, I felt fine) out to the car. To be cont..

My Arthritic Dog cont... 7-27-11

Upon the advice of a veterinarian friend, I began to administer a dose of Meloxicam thrice weekly. My dog's limp disappeared within one week! Six months went by in which my Samoyed demonstrated a relatively normal gait. Eight weeks ago, my dog began licking her front "elbows" and ankles. She slept a lot more. Often, I had to persuade and cajole her before she would go with me for a walk. She no longer came out to greet clients as they entered the studio. She was eating less and less, but worst of all, her limp returned with a vengeance. The  meloxicam was losing its effectiveness, as were the twice daily fish oil tablets. A knowledgable client had tipped me off to a cutting edge procedure involving therapy lasers. I admit that I was extremely skeptical, but have learned to listen to my clients advice and research it further. I explored the therapy from many different perspectives and found a clinic near the studio that offered it. My dog and I made an appointment for an examination by the vet, but upon our arrival they only wanted to examine the dog. My Samoyed tipped the scales at 91 pounds, at which point three employess cornered me to let me know that my dog was morbidly obese. I defended her by explaining that they would be overweight too if 150 people a week gave them snacks. To be cont....

My Arthritic Dog 7-7-11

I have acknowledged it before. My dog is old. She is 10 years and 4 months old. She is large for her breed. She is a purebred Samoyed. I have polled many people who profess to have familiarity with this breed. I seldom hear that one of these dogs lives to be older than 9 or so. When she started going downhill in Michigan, I shipped her down here to Sarasota, figuring to make her last days happy ones. That was one year and 5 months ago. She responded to my 150 clients by "perking up" considerably. Six months ago, she developed a severe limp. It was her left front leg, and it was diagnosed as arthritis.  To be cont...

The Comcast Scam 6-28-11

Apparently, it's becoming epedemic. Not only are newspapers charging much more for much less, but so is my soon-to-be-former cable company. Scamcast...I mean Comcast, shut off most of my channels. They claimed that they were going to improve my service, and I needed a new box. I had basic cable, don't watch much besides CNN and Cool TV (the video channel) during the summer, but let's face it, football season is coming up and I need to get this all squared away by then. When I called for the box, a rep from Scamcast declared that I would need to pay more per month for basic cable...a LOT more. They figured they deserved a $49 a month raise! No need to do the math, I shall do it for you. They wanted another $600 a year to give me the same thing I already had! My next call will be to Verizon to do something I should have done last year...get a quote on Fios.   

Herald Tribune cont... 6-17-11

As I mentioned in the last post, I placed an ad in the fitness section of the Sarasota Herald Tribune and it was a dud. Natually, I then felt a need to do some basic research. First, I wanted to know if anyone was actually reading the paper. I checked circulation figures for 2007. The Herald Tribune, circulation wise, was one of the top 100 newspapers in the country. It had a daily circulation of 118,000. That seemed fairly healthy to me. Four years later, in 2011, the paper's circulation has fallen off a bit. It is down to 83,000! OUCH! That is a 30% drop in 4 years. I think it is safe to say that this is not going to end well. I know what you are thinking...how did my ad rep explain this HUGE rate increase to me...despite the big drop in circulation? It was simple. He said that the advertisers on the weekend were already paying these high rates, and the paper wanted to bring my rate "more into line" with the weekend rates! I asked him if it would have been just as easy to lower the rates of the weekend advertisers, especially given the precipitous drop in readership. He replied the paper had not elected to go that way. I would like to reveal that I read the Herald Tribune on a regular basis and think it is, for the most part, well written and insightful. Unfortunately, like a growing contingent of people, I only read the online version. Next...the balance   

Sarasota Herald Tribune 6-15-11

I used to advertise my business in the fitness section of the Sarasota Herald Tribune. This section came out every Tuesday. A quarter page ad was resonable. It cost me $225.00 and I ran it two or three times a month. For two years, the ads consistently got great results. The ad did not do too badly during this past season, either. In April, I received some bad news from my ad rep. The paper had raised my rate from $225 per insertion to $350!! This amounted to a mind-numbing 64% increase. Did I receive an ad that was 64% larger? Well, no, I did not. Did they propose to place the ad on the front page of the fitness section? No, it would still be buried in the back somewhere. While I pondered this new pricing structure, I okayed one more ad. It came out on a Tuesday morning. Nothing happened, no calls...nada, zero, zilch...just crickets. I decided I had better begin to do some research and find out why...to be continued 

My New Yacht 6-13-11

Since the entire west side of Sarasota is bordered by the Gulf of Mexico, not a week goes by without driving past the ocean or the intracostal waterway between the Keys. I have yet to bring my boat down here, but on a whim, I am thinking of inquiring about the selling price of a used yacht I saw.  The astute Sarasota resident will recognize this angle. It was taken at the park across from Marina Jacks. Why is this gossip? I'll tell you why. What new couple decided to consumate their relationship aboard this ship when it wasn't too busy? Hint, it took place behind a door on the middle deck that said Employees Only. Hint, he is recently divorced and one of the best known high-end real estate agents in town. She still stars in plays locally and nationally. See below.

The boat in the background is the famous
rolling art gallery that everyone was talking
about.

Another restaurant bites the dust 6-11-11

Here in Sarasota, the competition is fierce. There's a restaurant on every block, and sometimes ten on a block! Everybody knows how to cook, right? Well, no, not everybody. My ex mother-in-law was a terrible cook. You would think that a woman who could pass for an National Football League tackle would know something about whipping up a meal. She did not. But I thought the fine folks at The Serving Spoon knew what they were doing. I ate at the one at Clark and Beneva a couple of times. I will not eat a pancake unless it is multigrain, and the ones I ordered there were heavy and grainy. I thought business was booming for them. Apparently I was wrong, one of my people just reported to me that the one on Clark has closed down. Have the other two as well?  Stay tuned.